you probably want a prince; one that wears nice things to accentuate the taste he has in his nice clothes. a man who has put endless hours into working and becoming both a profitable person as well as a financially lucrative career man.
You probably want a man who has regaling tales of exploits that paint him an undeniably heroic soul; courageous in the face of overwhelming defeat and certain death. A man who has earned the respect of society in every form and fashion.
A man who has spare change for bums; a man who has donated to great causes across the globe; a charitable and generous soul. You probably want a man so great that even Jesus would feel a bit of envy while looking at a list of his accomplishments.
I want to be him, for you. I wanted to be that man. Unfortunately, I’m a coward. I don’t go into situations where defeat is certain so I cannot overcome overwhelming odds. I don’t have what it takes to study for a purpose I see as pointless because the machine is bigger than any one man. And I know that saving a soul today does not guarantee that soul for tomorrow because death comes at night too.
The ills don’t turn themselves as a tide does. I’m disenchanted and I don’t want to play along with the rules stacked against me. But I love you. I love you like a new set of eyeballs love to look at vibrant colors. I love you like the first yearning or the last goodbye. I love you like tears of happiness streaming down my cheeks. But if you don’t love me back because I’m not like your prince charming, I’ll ball up this love and toss it away, trying desperately to forget how I feel about you because how can I live knowing I can never express this love openly with your consent?
How could I keep loving you when you are fine with not loving me in return. It makes me sick…some sort of sicko. Some overly persistent nut job who doesn’t know how to take “no” for an answer. My love for you is my arch nemesis the moment you say no. But, since I’m a coward, I won’t give you that chance. And now, my love for you is the biggest obstacle in my fight with myself. My enemy is the inspiration that the beauty, with which you live, has infected me with.
What am I to do when no matter which way I go, I will fail. Especially when I refuse to go into certain defeat. Frozen by fear & failure. And….
All I wanted to do was love you…for who you are but you won’t accept me for who I ain’t.
Sagey Says 